Dear Gangaji and Eli,
Meeting with you was mysterious and miraculous – indeed, driven by Grace. I am so lucky. As I said as I was weeping at your feet, it was against all odds that I could be there. Really. My husband agreed to take care of our 1 yr old twins and 3 year old daughter. . .after I was offered the trip. It was 40 hours of travel for just over 40 hours of being there…. anyway, enough about the ‘story’ =).
Now, as I sit here, I feel a deep silence that extends to at least Jupiter and back. It is so quiet. I’ve never heard such a beautiful deep quiet before. And from this quiet, there is nothing to say. I just wanted to share it with you both.
Dearest Eli and Everyone,
No escape :). Last weekend I was literally taken to a sangha where I was asked to give a video-satsang and talk about my insights. Mysteriously a friend of mine called me last week to join him and talk in front of a group of people at the weekend. They usually meet every month but the leader of the group became ill. After this satsang, I really experienced what Papaji said:” I’ve never given satsang, I always only receive satsang.” At the end of the day I got so deeply silent, there was just space, love, peace, oneness, gratitude.
Eli
We both are missing being in satsang with you. But we are taking care of our bodies for right now which has been a great challenge my cancer came back just before New Years. We have both been growing in spite of our lack of being with you.
I’ve seen my attachment to my body much more clearly since we last saw each other. I woke up last week and I couldn’t understand what this weight was everyday I woke I’d feel this weight and couldn’t describe it. But I could describe what it felt like, sadness. I shared it with Adrian he told me he ‘d been feeling the same way and told him that I understood it to be fixation it was about the attachment to the body, a body that is harmonious physically. He said, “ I think you’re right”. Once we both saw it , it burned and a smile came over our faces.
Five and a half year ago, I learned I had breast cancer.
In the middle of a huge crowd of people a radiologist called to tell me the news on my cell phone. As I felt my mind and body tumble through space, Eli’s voice called out to me: “It’s always a good day to die.”
Many diseases and much physical devastation later, I’ve been given the Grace to live that Truth as this ego body dies. The diagnosis is unimportant. The realization is Everything. Any day is a great day to die to the imagined future, and the not-good-enough past. It’s always a good day to quiet the mental and physical and emotional stories we tell ourselves, no matter how logical or righteous they may seem at the time.
Dearest Eli and Everyone,
No escape :). Last weekend I was literally taken to a sangha where I was asked to give a video-satsang and talk about my insights. Mysteriously a friend of mine called me last week to join him and talk in front of a group of people at the weekend. They usually meet every month but the leader of the group became ill. After this satsang, I really experienced what Papaji said:” I’ve never given satsang, I always only receive satsang.” At the end of the day I got so deeply silent, there was just space, love, peace, oneness, gratitude.
Although there was so much silence and love the day before the event, of course when I got there I had to face my fear of losing control :), the stupidness of wanting to meet other people’s needs, the fear of I will not be loved and I will be judged.. etc, and all kinds of fears that usually come with the 6 fixation. And the greatest thing is that the fear was there but IT DID NOT MATTER. I was used by Grace anyway. It was really burning in me but deep inside there was so much trust!