This is a transcript of a recent webcast from Jared Franks part of the monthly Leela School webcast series. Enjoy!
Something that I discovered from my teacher Eli is that human bodies, are desire bodies.
We are continuously wanting, and usually unaware of it. Most people don’t know what it is that they really want, so we get side-tracked, we have impulses – these superficial desires, that we then chase, thinking that if we fulfil that superficial desire, that we will actually fulfil a more essential desire that we are unaware of.
To make this experiential, I would like to invite you to turn your attention inwards for a moment and consider: what is a superficial desire that you have? We all have them. Maybe it’s more money, maybe it’s a bigger house, a partner, a better partner; we all have these desires. You can reflect, what is one that shows up for you? Now consider: what would it be like if you had that right now? Can you imagine, what would it be like if you had that right now? What would it give you? What would be the result mentally, emotionally, and physically?
The possibility is to discover that underneath a superficial desire is a more essential desire. I know for me, I wanted to be successful. I was chasing that desire all the time. In actuality, my whole life was given to it, without knowing. When I was given an opportunity to investigate, what would it give me if I really was successful – what would be the result of that? – I recognised that the result would be that finally I could actually rest and stop trying so hard. Then I was asked: if I had that, what would that give me? If I stopped trying so hard, if I really rested, then I could actually come in contact with myself; then I could be myself. And, if I could just be myself, what would that give me? That gives me everything I have ever wanted, which is just to be myself.
I wonder if there is a similar kind of structure going on with you? Maybe there is something on the outside, some aspect of your story that you want to change, or you want to be better or different. Maybe there is something that you are craving. More of this or less of that. Look and see what’s underneath that, and ask yourself “what is it that I really want”? Finally what it all leads down to is what is your life really about; what is it that you want at the very very deepest level. Then you can focus directly, and put all your attention on what you really want at the deepest level, rather than chasing the more superficial desires.
There is no problem with desire; like I said, we are desire animals. We desire food, companionship, pleasure, security, and more. It’s natural and there is no problem with it. The only issue is when a deeper desire for something more essential is being either completely overlooked, or we think that we can fulfil that desire through chasing some other object. In other words, if I get that success, or if I get that new partner, then I will get freedom, then I will get happiness; then I will get fulfilment. Most of us have at least had some modicum of success in our lives in getting what we want. The fact that we can be sitting at a computer using this technology from around the world reading this, means that we are not running from bombs or hiding or being persecuted in this moment. At some level we have got survival; at some level we have got a computer, and we have got access to support, and to this profound teaching, which means we have had a taste of getting what we want. Now the question is, have we fulfilled our deepest most essential desire through getting what we want? I would assume that if you are reading this, if you have been called to this particular teaching, that you’ve realised that you can’t fill a hole inside with objects, with more stuff.
That is when our attention can be turned from the outside, from the objects, to the inside to where the hole is, and to dive into the hole and discover if there even is a hole. The possibility, as a true friend for yourself, is to investigate the root or the source of craving; the root or the source of longing, and in the deep dive into the longing, and the deep dive into this craving for something more to fulfil me, to give me what I want, to give me freedom or love, you can actually fall out the bottom of the black hole and lose everything for a moment, and discover the deepest fulfilment; the fulfilment that comes with stopping looking for anything outside of yourself, outside of this moment. That is the invitation for you to discover for yourself, and in discovering fulfilment as yourself, alive in yourself, then you can, as a true friend support others in making that deep dive.
In another context around being a true friend, what I discovered in playing the role of a therapist and teacher, is that it is so easy to imagine that you know what the other person wants. Many times you could be right, because you do know, for example, this person clearly wants awakening or enlightenment, or freedom, or love. Yet, if you don’t ask the person in front of you want they want, you are projecting your own story, your own ideas onto them, even if you are right at some level. Without asking this complex mysterious being in front of you, “what do you want?,” you are going to find it difficult to get through and to be able to help facilitate some kind of change, because the best way to facilitate change is for the client to do it for themselves. We looked at present condition last month, enabling the client to expose to themselves in a very clear way, what are the thoughts, what are the feelings, what are the sensations, what’s the story, what’s the context in the circumstances that are creating an issue – creating the present condition – and then saying “okay, now just stop, just drop it.” We are all familiar with this; at least once in our lives, we’ve told someone to “drop it” and if you remember what it’s like for someone else to tell you, “just drop it”, that it often creates waves, and a defence could come up. Instead, to ask “okay now that you have seen this whole structure of how you are suffering, what is that you really want?” It is so powerful. I’ve seen it time and again, and I ask that question all the time, almost every day. I remember when Eli first asked me that question it threw me back into myself to actually consider, “My God, what is it that I actually want?” I realised that almost nobody had asked me that in my whole life. I had never asked myself that question. My parents had never sat down with me and said “hey Jared, what is it that you want?”. When Eli asked me what it was I really wanted, all my defences came down. This can make the interaction you are having with a family member or friend totally different to how we normally interact; it brings it back to them and changes the whole context; then they are on your side in looking for some kind of insight, or looking for a true outcome.
That’s my take on “what do you really want?”. It is a profound question to ask yourself and to ask another. I wonder if that brings up any questions for any of you?
Questioner (Frederick)
I have watched some videos of you and I found you via Gangaji and Eli and actually only over the last few months. I have been in a long period of suffering. I am 34 and about 8 years ago I was diagnosed with chronic pain which really made my life very difficult, and I was in much despair and hopelessness. When I met with Eli, something happened. He was taking us through a meditation and I was suddenly expanding and free from my mental identification with the suffering. Since then I am really freaked out somehow because it lasted for half an hour and the thing is I also take pain medication almost every day, so part of my suffering is how do I cope with this pain medication. It’s almost like a drug so I feel a little bit high. It’s a challenge how do I deal with that. I am really still freaked out because when this experience with Eli happened I felt like there is something that I’m missing so far and that has the chance of stopping this identification with the suffering.
Jared
How lucky, that you have had a direct experience, and feeling freaked out is a natural consequence. It just means “I feel some fear.” I would say that that is the signal that you are human. Eli would say if you are feeling fear, it means you are on the right track, that you are actually coming to something real because you are staring down the barrel of the Absolute Infinite, of the end of identity, and that can be scary initially.
Questioner (Frederick)
Yes
Jared
With regards to this pain and the pain medication and your identification with the pain, I would ask you, “What is it that you really want?”
Questioner (Frederick)
I think freedom.
Jared
Okay, “I think freedom?” Why don’t we start with something more superficial like, “I want the pain to go away”, or something like that. You tell me what is it that you want? Just to be innocent and honest and vulnerable.
Questioner (Frederick)
I think to stop this constant suffering.
Jared
Beautiful. You want to stop the constant suffering. So what would it be like if you just imagine, in this moment, right now, that you were able to stop this constant suffering? Just for a moment, in this moment? What would that give you?
Questioner (Frederick)
To be whole and expanded and free.
Jared
Yes, and if you were whole and expanded and free in this moment, what would that give you?
Questioner (Frederick)
To know who I am, really.
Jared
If you know who you are, what would that give you?
Questioner (Frederick)
I would feel free, I think.
Jared
There is a very big difference between “I would feel free,” and “I think.”
Questioner (Frederick)
Yes.
Jared
By asking you these questions, would you agree we found that what you really want is to know yourself and to be yourself?
Questioner (Frederick)
Yes
Jared
And in that, there is freedom.
Questioner (Frederick)
Yes
Jared
But as soon as you think about it, then you leave this freedom. Are you willing to be free and not to leave that freedom by thinking about it?
Questioner (Frederick)
Yes.
Jared
Beautiful. Does pain itself touch the deepest truth of who you are?
Questioner (Frederick)
No, it doesn’t really.
Jared
That’s right. I encourage you to take this discovery here and to deepen it.
Questioner (Frederick)
How?
Jared
By being honest about it, because your mind is likely to tell you otherwise. As soon as you start thinking about, suddenly you are backwards and upside down again. Suddenly, you feel like you are the suffering and the Self is somewhere else. How could the Self be somewhere else?
Questioner (Frederick)
Yes.
Jared
You just had a true discovery so honour that true discovery by going deeper with it, by investigating – is it still true?
Questioner (Frederick)
It’s a very small line between intellectual grasping and consideration and what you are doing is more like intuitive feeling honesty.
Jared
I’m so glad you make that distinction. One day you will see it is not a fine line. It is like crossing Continents, even planets.
Questioner (Frederick)
(Laughs) – Okay, for me it feels like a fine line, but I’m very much in the mind all the time. I think this is what I long for, what you describe.
Jared
Yes, that’s it. Find that longing, which is everything we are talking about, and nurture that longing because that longing is coming from your Self. Your Self is calling for you through the longing for Self, and as long as you are talking to yourself in your head, you simply miss the doorway. Go for the longing and not the thinking, and that’s the difference – it’s everything.
Questioner (Frederick)
Yes, its surprisingly easy, if you are somehow directed.
Jared
Initially yes.
Questioner (Frederick)
When you are on your own, it’s hard to find the door.
Jared
Then never leave. That was my gift of having a teacher; that I’m here speaking to you from the feet of my teacher.
Questioner (Frederick)
Was it for you that from one moment to the other, you were completely changed, or was it a process.
Jared
To even describe it like that, you would have to think about it, and put it into a context, but I’m happy to say that it was both combined. There would be a moment where there was a profound realisation and I went through some kind of door and looked back, and that door was gone, and I couldn’t get back – however there were many of those. There was finally no goal in the end. There wasn’t a goal for some kind of enlightenment that happened in the future.
Questioner (Frederick)
Wow, amazing.
Jared
You are having a direct experience of yourself in this moment. Don’t underestimate that.
Questioner (Frederick)
Yes. I don’t feel the same anymore since the moment when Eli was doing this meditation. I feel like a different person, but I feel there is still a lot to come somehow.
Jared
Beautiful. Some part of you recognises that the Self is endless. This is a beginning, not an end.
Questioner (Frederick)
Yes, and that the story that we tell ourselves is confining us.
Jared
Yes it’s old stale bread crumbs.
Questioner (Frederick)
Yes (laughing).
Jared
You have chewed on that long enough and you have tried to get water from it.
Questioner (Frederick)
Everything, I think we try to get everything from it somehow?
Jared
Yes, and one day you will realise that you can’t get anything out of a story, but the story comes out of you.
Questioner (Frederick)
I feel that it is something contained in us and we are not contained in it.
Jared
This longing you have, I want to fan the flames of that. Let that longing engulf you. It is a true longing for home. Let it engulf you; let it swallow you.
Questioner (Frederick)
I am already really calm and my mind is much more quiet and still. It’s beautiful.
Jared
Yes very beautiful. I’m glad to meet you Frederick.
Questioner (Frederick)
Me too. Thank you very much.
What a perfect exemplar Frederick was for us all to see that, of course if you have pain, at the top of the list is “I want the pain to go away.” That’s a natural human instinct. If we are willing to investigate that and put our attention on that a little closer, to see that what this usually results in is some kind of resistance against the pain, and when we resist the pain, we add a whole layer of extra pain; maybe it’s extra physical pain because we tense up, or maybe it’s psychological or emotional pain where we are now resisting what is here – what is appearing in this moment – and adding a layer of mental and emotional pain to the physical pain that is already here. I recommend getting pain medication and seeing a doctor and doing everything you can to alleviate your physical pain, and I also recommend to surrender and find out what you want at the deepest level. Check and see if by resisting what’s here, can you get what you want at the deepest level?
Questioner (Angelina)
Hi Jared. This is a very deep topic for me because I tried to stop longing very early in my life because I realised how much suffering is in longing. I want to take a look at what I want from “the other.” I have been in a difficult situation with my husband who has a woman who fulfils a very deep longing in him and this brought up all my longings I did not want to see. I have tried to cover under an image of “I can do it by myself” and “I’m alone anyway” and so on. What I want is really to be free of these reactions, especially when he is seeing the other woman. We have talked about things and everything is cleared between us, yet I still have reactions that brings me into suffering and I guess there is still a longing I project onto him, that he should fulfil me. So I want to bring it back to me.
Jared
In terms of the relationship I can’t speak to that, because as animals, we have emotional bonds, and I think it is quite natural to feel pain if your partner is seeing other people. I don’t know if that pain will go away, but what we can talk about is the longing that you have for “other” that you suppressed when you were younger. I love what you said that you want to put your attention on it; “I want to see what is really going on here.” What is it that you think you will get if you were to fulfil your longing? Is it for love, for companionship, intimacy, to be protected, or something like that? What is it that you are longing for?
Questioner (Angelina)
I long for intimacy and trust.
Jared
And if you follow that desire in. What would you have if you had full trust and full intimacy? What would it give you?
Questioner (Angelina)
I would feel deeply connected so there is nothing in between.
Jared
Beautiful. Right now, can you feel that deep connection as you explore this? Is it here right now? You must have had a taste of it to report that.
Questioner (Angelina)
It’s something that I sense that is calm.
Jared
Yes, and if you had full intimacy and full connection with yourself, with your own heart, what is that experience like?
Questioner (Angelina)
Everything has become still. Something in the background is running, I really want this loneliness to be gone. I cannot name it really what this loneliness is.
Jared
That’s beautiful that you notice that. There’s loneliness and there is a feeling that I really want this loneliness to be gone.
Questioner (Angelina)
Yes, like being separated.
Jared
What if for one moment, you didn’t want the loneliness to go? What if you just let it be here and fall back down into the stillness that you just discovered? You let the aloneness or loneliness that you don’t want, just be here as it is. Stop the fight against it.
Questioner (Angelina)
Okay. You know to override the subtype, self-preservation, there is so much in letting go and not taking care of my loneliness.
Jared
Yes, yet how successful has your resistance to it been?
Questioner (Angelina)
It is so exhausting to take care all the time for connection. So exhausting.
Jared
That’s right, it’s exhausting because it’s a hungry ghost that is never fulfilled.
Questioner (Angelina)
That’s right.
Jared
I bet you have had an amazing connection with somebody last week, or yesterday, or the day before, and you can be in the moment where you are having dinner with a friend, or you are talking on the phone, or connecting with a true friend, and it can feel so beautiful to connect, but as soon as it’s over, then this loneliness comes back.
Questioner (Angelina)
That’s right.
Jared
So you are looking for connection to something that is coming and going.
Questioner (Angelina)
That’s right.
Jared
You are looking for connection with shadows, instead of the only place you can truly find connection which is here and now with your own Self. You discovered just before that to be connected and to be intimate with your own heart, with your own Self, the result is a deep stillness. I am happy to discover with you the outward movement to chase down the fulfilment of connection outside, only to discover that it is not giving you what you want. It hasn’t up until this point.
Questioner (Angelina)
Yes, that’s right.
Jared
Then to become clear that what you want is deep intimacy and connection with your own Self, and that means an inward dive, and yes, there can be fear and terror, but what a relief to not have to make that effort any more for connection. Then when you stop making effort for connection, you can discover that there is no separation, there never was any.
It is such a paradox. If you are willing to lose everything, you discover everything. If you are willing to meet loneliness and fall all the way through, you can discover you are never alone, because this whole universe is just one.
Questioner (Angelina)
Somehow I know it.
Jared
Yes, that’s right.
Questioner (Angelina)
I see the similarity in how we are, like animals or humans, it’s the same somehow.
Jared
That’s right. Then you can recognise the consciousness and aliveness that is seeing out of your eyes is also the same. The same consciousness that sees out of my eyes. To know that so deeply, how could you ever be alone since its all you; everything is you.
Questioner (Angelina)
That’s a point. I see the similarity – that we all breathe the same air. We are all connected. We cannot live without one part or the other. It’s all interconnected.
Jared
Then give yourself fully to what you already know; then you can rest.
Questioner (Angelina)
I can trust.
Jared
Even deeper than trust – it’s already here. Yes, you already know it.
Questioner (Angelina)
I really want to open to that.
Jared
I support you.
Questioner (Angelina)
So I go back home.
Jared
Yes, stay home.
Questioner (Angelina)
Not from others, I go back home.
Jared
Yes, true intimacy.
Questioner (Angelina)
Thank you Jared.
Jared
This is universal. The search for love and connection is big and there is an existential loneliness and fear of being alone that is inherent in the ego because the ego is just a thought we have about ourselves. It is not ultimately real, and it is inherently separate in that it tells the story of a “me” and then there’s “the world,” so built into its very nature is separation and therefore loneliness. The ego itself is the root of loneliness and if it is investigated you can discover that the ego is simply not real. In the discovery that the ego is not real, there is silence, and a recognition of the simplicity of this moment, the fullness of this moment, and the wholeness of this moment. You see that loneliness is made up. It was made up as soon as this “I” thought arose. This perfectly ties in with this theme of “what do you really want?” because you can spend your whole life chasing connection, and most people do. Family, or having children to get unconditional love; always chasing connection, which is built on a terror of being alone, or feeling of being alone that is based in a false sense of self – a made up identity that is a veil over our inherent wholeness. What a game we are all playing! That is why asking this question, “what do you want?,” has the power to redirect the attention of either yourself or the person in front of you, to our essential desire for true intimacy, true connection, true love.
The same way I sit here with all of you, I have that same question to all of you; “what do you want?,” because this is not about me and about what I want and what I think you should know. The question is what do you want, and is there anything that is getting in the way of that, or that you think is getting in the way of that? And maybe there is a deeper and more essential desire under that.
I would add that in spiritual communities , quite often what happens is that the essential desires such as freedom, enlightenment, truth or love, is covering a desire for something more superficial. I saw this thing called enlightenment, and thought “wow, I really want that.” I felt very honest in that, and I did want it, but I had to tell the truth at some point that underneath that desire for enlightenment I wanted to be seen and respected and admired for the enlightenment. This egoic sense of “me” was still chasing something on the outside in the name of a more essential desire, and so that is one of the things we do in the Leela School, is we try to bust that by asking questions.
What do you want on a deep level?
Freedom.
Okay, if you had freedom, what would that give you?
Well, then I could do whatever I wanted.
Okay and if you could do whatever you wanted, what would that give you?
Then I can feel at peace
You can see how sometimes you have to go up and down to finally come to a true deep desire for your life. All of this is for you to investigate this for yourself. Really, what do I want on a deep level? What do I want on a superficial level? What have I been chasing? What have I been craving? Where is true fulfilment? What would it be like if in this moment I had a complete stop and I didn’t look for anything outside of what is here already? What would it be like to completely end any search for anything outside of this moment? Then when you realise true fulfilment is here simply in the complete stop then there is no problem having superficial desires, no problem having preferences around food, or partnership; no problem wanting to be in a relationship, wanting intimacy, and so on, but those desires no longer run your life. It’s no longer life or death if I get the intimacy because you are fulfilled with nothing. Fulfilled as you are in the wholeness of yourself; then you are free to have preferences and enjoy, and if you don’t get what you want, it doesn’t matter; “oh well, so be it, such is life.”
I leave you with that investigation with yourself, to see what your life is about, which I’ve heard Gangaji and Eli say countless times. What is your life about? Is your life about companionship? Is your life about other? Is your life about chasing something down? You might know what you don’t want but do you know what you do want? I encourage you to discover that freshly for yourself; not to take something I said or something you read in a book, something you heard someone else say, but to look and see, what do I want at the very deepest level. If I had a month to live, what is my life about, and then to give yourself so fully and so wholly to that desire for your life that you can actually be swallowed by what it is that you want. You can follow that longing even further down and be consumed by this longing for your Self, for freedom for surrender.
Questioner (Marcus)
How does one find the truth of one’s being when you have seen there is no one here, but still don’t feel fully awake?
Jared
Firstly I recommend not to go about measuring your feelings as a signal of whether you are awake or not. You have discovered the truth of your Being, but what have you done with that discovery? Have you given yourself so fully to it that you have been consumed by it or is there still a “me” that now has had an experience of the truth of Being. If there is a “me” that has had that experience, then you won’t feel fully awake; that me has now encapsulated the awakening; it has encapsulated in the mind what you discovered beyond the mind. I encourage you to see that what it is you are feeling and what it is you want to feel at the deepest level, is just a passing state – we have different feelings all the time. This is deeper than feeling. If you want to feel awake, what would that give you?